Valentine’s Day falls on a Saturday once every thirty years and creates the cursed, malevolent whirlwind of chaos and suffering that in my village we call “Friday the Valenteenth.” Local […]
Men are ignorant pig farmers with tiny brains say seven out of ten women, a gender that agrees on practically nothing but the belief that men are ignorant pig farmers […]
While perusing “Missed Connections” on Craigslist, I received an anonymous text tied to a brick and hurled through the side of my conservatory. The text explained how the elusive Robert Denby […]
A flurry of one-star reviews have appeared after a week-long promotion where I gave away 2,800 copies of The Amish Spaceman. This negative attitude toward my writing was quite confusing, due […]
American kids are lazy and mean, and make fun of me when my back is turned. This happens more frequently than you would expect, because anytime I see a child, I […]
My dream of becoming a lingerie model slash astronaut will never come true, but my other dream of making fun of people is in full bloom. If you’re wondering why […]
Nothing on this site has received more hits and garnered more attention than my Valentine post on “sexy Amish women.” I’m not even joking about this. Is it really that lonely in Pennsylvania […]
The worker bees (they don’t like to be called elves) spent hours in Microsoft Paint and sifted through dozens of royalty-free images to come up with the stunning cover of […]
The Roman Spaceman is now available at Amazon and on all Kindle-supported devices for $2.99. Purchase now and receive the Extra Special Limited Edition cover! (Next month the cover will […]
My next book, The Roman Spaceman, will be released tomorrow. The soundtrack is a perfect accompaniment to reading the book, waiting at the ophthalmologist’s, or visiting the local funeral parlor. “Mambo […]
I’m finishing up the sequel to “The Amish Spaceman” and will be publishing it within a few weeks. I’m at a bit of a loose end as to what to […]
Since my previous installment of “Legendary Ebook Marketing Secrets of Doom,” telegrams have piled in front of my door and emails have clogged the arteries of my inbox. Never teach your […]
I, like many Americans, was unaware of a clause in the Treaty of Versailles, which requires that during the week preceding Easter the entire school-age population of France is exchanged with […]
Mother has a bee in her bonnet over the mysterious disappearance of Robert Denby, and she’s sending me to London in her private jet. Of course I’m going! You’re a braver person […]
It’s universally accepted among dentists and convicted felons that a movie is better than a book. In the style of the ubiquitous “Eat This, Not That” series, I present the […]
HOLLYWOOD, CA––The elusive Robert Denby, well-known catalog model and face of the recently published novel, The Amish Spaceman, disappeared from his loft apartment in West Hollywood yesterday. According to alleged […]
I’ve been told by an elderly relative that sex sells, but in my particular case it’s always been a net drain on the old bank account. Who can tell? Life’s […]
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