Why is England?
Mother has a bee in her bonnet over the mysterious disappearance of Robert Denby, and she’s sending me to London in her private jet. Of course I’m going! You’re a braver person […]
Category Archives: Drivel
Ten Careers To Consider If You’ve Gone Mad And Decided To Become a Writer
Writing is literally an insane proposition: lock yourself in a closet and pound away at a post-apocalyptic vampire brony crossover series so that people you will never meet in real […]
Watch This, Don’t Read That
It’s universally accepted among dentists and convicted felons that a movie is better than a book. In the style of the ubiquitous “Eat This, Not That” series, I present the […]
The Denby Files––Acclaimed Male Model Now Missing in Action
HOLLYWOOD, CA––The elusive Robert Denby, well-known catalog model and face of the recently published novel, The Amish Spaceman, disappeared from his loft apartment in West Hollywood yesterday. According to alleged […]
My Pants Are On Fire
In the past week I’ve spent several 28-hour days at a peculiarly popular southern California theme park. I am happy to inform everyone that visiting theme parks as a ‘thing’ […]
Meme Overload, Quote Destruction
What’s worse than padding a blog post with overused Internet memes? Nothing. Here’s another favorite quote from my book, The Amish Spaceman: “Shut up and listen, former ex-boyfriend.” Joanie turned, […]
Author Simulator 2014
Do you have too much free time? Do you gape in awe at the glittering piles of treasure surrounding the famous authors of our time, and think, ‘That could be […]
Pick-Up Lines Worse Than Mine
One would think that no pick-up line could be worse than “Is this your condom? I think you dropped it,” but after many hours of clandestine research in female dormitories […]
Tyrolean Goat Milk Ice Cream
Only the abnormal would aspire to be a writer. Would anyone else but the mentally imbalanced lock themselves in a room away from other people, day after day, typing away […]
Keep on Booking That Face
I applaud the fact that more and more young people spend their days and nights on the long-form poetry of social media communication. As adults we should strive for one-hundred-percent […]
How To Make A Car
Like many of you I sometimes lie awake at night, heart pounding, mind racing over age-old questions such as: Am I a good person? Am I doing the right thing? […]
Things To Do When Bored Or In Fresno
Frequently mother forgets to unlock my room in the morning or even for days at a stretch and I must find interesting ways to whittle away at the stick of […]
A Shower of Dingos
Like many of you out there in TV Land I always read bedtime stories to my children partly with an Australian accent and partly in a County Cork brogue. Of […]
Legendary Ebook Marketing Secrets of Doom
There are no rules in the deadly world of self-publishing. Editors? Expensive. Cover artists? Superfluous. Adjectives, adverbs, prefaces, acknowledgements, dedications, and notes to the reader? Required and to be used […]
Stop The Ambulance, I Want To Get Off
Top ten things you never want to hear from emergency personnel (as conveyed to me through a pick-up window whilst my EggWhite McMuffin was broiling): 10. I haven’t done this […]
Peanut
Nobody respects the poor peanut. He used to be the man, the star, the dapper danny who danced across a million commercials on a million screens. He used to a […]
Throwing Stars For Your Conversation
Social butterflies like me have a few weapons in our arsenal when the conversation flags or when it has died and gone to bed, the sort of hypothetical questions that […]
The Amish Spaceman 