One would think that no pick-up line could be worse than “Is this your condom? I think you dropped it,” but after many hours of clandestine research in female dormitories and the college dive-bars of America (but mainly the dormitories, and specifically the showers), scientists have proven that it is not, after all, the worst pick-up line.

Counting down from ten, where ten is the worst pain in your life … ah, forget it

10. “Is that Sontaran cloning fluid on your sleeve, or are you happy to see me?”

9. “I’ve been watching you for hours. Want to return the favor?”

8. “You look like a very lonely person. Let’s change that.”

7. “Did you call for a knight in shining armor? Because I just came from a SCA meeting.”

5. “Honey, you look the way I feel. Let’s dance!”

4. “I’m drunk and you’re drunk. It’s kismet!”

3. “I know what you’re thinking––oh, my GOD, he’s covered in blood! It’s Sriracha sauce.”

2. “Is this your ball? It’s a nice ball.”

And for the number one, scientifically-proven worst pickup line of all time:

1. “I was looking for my mom, but you’ll do.”

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