Sexy Amish Girls III: The Revenging
My entire life I’ve been searching for the answer to the universal question, “How did I get here, and what floor is the restaurant on?” If you know the answer, […]
Tag Archives: funny
When Writers Attack
I’m not allowed to have any friends due to the court order, but I imagine that being friends with a writer must be frustrating, like someone in your house constantly […]
Strange Characters You Can Have For Free
I have to de-clutter my life. If these characters give you joy, please take them and write a ten-book young adult series with them. Bobby Moist — Terror of Dripping […]
Ladyfingers Banned in the U.K.
Ladyfingers, the popular and tasty biscuit, have been banned from sale and pulled from shelves in the United Kingdom, Belgium, and Vanuatu this week after the World Court ruled the […]
Writers are Assholes
The cat walked up to me, out of the blue. “I want to be a writer,” he said. I slammed my special writing pen with the puffy pink feathers onto […]
Dank Meme, Marching Dragon
Yesterday, I heard a noise like a hundred cats being strangled in the back of a moving van that was driving down the highway constantly blowing the air horn. I […]
SpaceBook Awakens Now Available!
The third book in the Amy Armstrong series is now available in ebook format. SpaceBook Awakens follows Amy as she is separated from her friends in 1912 California, where she […]
The Lady Doth Protest
Mother says it’s unladylike to raise my voice, but when I tell her I’m not a lady, she locks me in the laundry room for three days with only a […]
Self-Published Author Refuses to Stand for National Anthem; World Still Turns
SAN FRANCISCO, CALIFORNIA, USA, EARTH, September 9, 2016––A self-acclaimed, self-published author disturbed several passing mallards and caused an elderly Corgi to become dispeptic today, by refusing to stand as the Star-Spangled […]
The Girl Who Stole A Planet Now Available!
Jeff Bezos agreed to publish my book, and he’s smarter and better-looking than the three point five people reading this post (per the Constitution, ducks are only half a people). […]
Gotta Catch-22 ‘Em All
I’ve never told anyone this, but I’m a victim of child abuse. When mother lets me walk to the drug store, I never fail to meet a handful of nine […]
Emergency Ice Cream Delivery
Ever since the King of America declared that eating ice cream is a fundamental human right, my frozen treat business has more headaches than a woodpecker without his helmet. You’d […]
All I Got From Paris Was Fleas
Mother went on a howling tirade last week after I found her stash of “liquid medicine” in the conservatory, made “Molotov cocktails” and threw them all at the “cat.” As […]
Sexy Amish Girls: The Reckoning
Father ran away from home at the tender age of thirty-two, after mother left the ziti on the stove too long. Not counting that stain on the couch, he left my […]
Best New Year with Amish Cheerleaders and Crap
Mother said I couldn’t walk downtown to watch the fireworks on New Year’s Eve because I might get jumped by Mexicans and sold to a Juarez cat house, but she […]
Hot Christmas Babes
Christmas is a traditional American holiday when families gather in the desert for a week, strip off our clothes, and take bags of drugs. By removing the trappings of civilization (and our […]
The Return of Lazer Moon Space Battle Part VII
Now that George Lucas is dead, the Illuminati have allowed a remake of one of the most-cherished movies of my childhood: Star Wars! I know you were yelling, “Beastmaster, Beastmaster!” […]
The Amish Spaceman 