Now that George Lucas is dead, the Illuminati have allowed a remake of one of the most-cherished movies of my childhood: Star Wars! I know you were yelling, “Beastmaster, Beastmaster!” and banging your plate on the table at Denny’s with fury just as I do on the weekends, but alas, it is Star Wars.

If you haven’t heard of it, Star Wars is the tragic story of a talented young man who ruined everything by knocking up a princess and having kids. The absolute shock turned him into a genocidal maniac, waving around his lazer sword like a tubby knife salesman on late-night television. He could have been a good Amish spaceman, running around the galaxy in his brown robes and lazer sword, solving crimes and smoking deathsticks, but that little tramp just had to ruin it all. If the Force can make you pregnant, can it make you UN-pregnant? Many Bothans gave their lives researching this information.

Auralnauts have put out four parody videos of Star Wars, and they’re really good. Check them yourself before you get wrecked yourself, or whatever.