When Writers Attack
I’m not allowed to have any friends due to the court order, but I imagine that being friends with a writer must be frustrating, like someone in your house constantly […]
Tag Archives: humor
Ladyfingers Banned in the U.K.
Ladyfingers, the popular and tasty biscuit, have been banned from sale and pulled from shelves in the United Kingdom, Belgium, and Vanuatu this week after the World Court ruled the […]
Amy Armstrong: Homecoming Now Available!
People said that it couldn’t happen, that it wouldn’t happen, that it SHOULDN’T happen, but those people were wrong, and they were also late for the hairdresser, so stop shouting […]
Have a Berry Mary Valentine!
Despite the fact that Valentine’s Day is banned in every Muslim country, all 47,061 states in America, and the Vatican, this cherished holiday has always been celebrated in the little village where […]
SpaceBook Awakens Now Available!
The third book in the Amy Armstrong series is now available in ebook format. SpaceBook Awakens follows Amy as she is separated from her friends in 1912 California, where she […]
The Lady Doth Protest
Mother says it’s unladylike to raise my voice, but when I tell her I’m not a lady, she locks me in the laundry room for three days with only a […]
Self-Published Author Refuses to Stand for National Anthem; World Still Turns
SAN FRANCISCO, CALIFORNIA, USA, EARTH, September 9, 2016––A self-acclaimed, self-published author disturbed several passing mallards and caused an elderly Corgi to become dispeptic today, by refusing to stand as the Star-Spangled […]
Gotta Catch-22 ‘Em All
I’ve never told anyone this, but I’m a victim of child abuse. When mother lets me walk to the drug store, I never fail to meet a handful of nine […]
Emergency Ice Cream Delivery
Ever since the King of America declared that eating ice cream is a fundamental human right, my frozen treat business has more headaches than a woodpecker without his helmet. You’d […]
All I Got From Paris Was Fleas
Mother went on a howling tirade last week after I found her stash of “liquid medicine” in the conservatory, made “Molotov cocktails” and threw them all at the “cat.” As […]
Sexy Amish Girls: The Reckoning
Father ran away from home at the tender age of thirty-two, after mother left the ziti on the stove too long. Not counting that stain on the couch, he left my […]
Best New Year with Amish Cheerleaders and Crap
Mother said I couldn’t walk downtown to watch the fireworks on New Year’s Eve because I might get jumped by Mexicans and sold to a Juarez cat house, but she […]
Hot Christmas Babes
Christmas is a traditional American holiday when families gather in the desert for a week, strip off our clothes, and take bags of drugs. By removing the trappings of civilization (and our […]
The Return of Lazer Moon Space Battle Part VII
Now that George Lucas is dead, the Illuminati have allowed a remake of one of the most-cherished movies of my childhood: Star Wars! I know you were yelling, “Beastmaster, Beastmaster!” […]
I Think I’m Turning Nipponese
After a recent trip to Tokyo, I’m grabbing onto the self-affirmation bandwagon and officially changing my race to Japanese. I could eat sushi for every meal and I never wear shoes, […]
Social Justice for Alone Man
Like the Olympian god Zeus scouring beach resorts for female Britons who’ve had too much uzo (or any uzo), inspiration can take many forms. For me it’s staying up for […]
People for the Toolbag Way
Men are born knowing how to fix things or will have this knowledge beaten into them as a child, usually by a father covered in bearing grease and alfalfa seed. […]
The Amish Spaceman 