Christmas is a traditional American holiday when families gather in the desert for a week, strip off our clothes, and take bags of drugs. By removing the trappings of civilization (and our garments), we re-discover what’s really important in life and who desperately needs more time on the elliptical. Here’s looking at you, mom!

If you didn’t get anything for Christmas and you’re not Jewish, take heart in the fact that while you may not have any friends, at least you don’t have any friends.

And now for the BABES HITBOX HITBOX HITBOX 360 NOSCOPE BRAZIL

JUST FOR THE LADIES: