Sexy Amish Girls III: The Revenging
My entire life I’ve been searching for the answer to the universal question, “How did I get here, and what floor is the restaurant on?” If you know the answer, […]
Tag Archives: girls
All I Got From Paris Was Fleas
Mother went on a howling tirade last week after I found her stash of “liquid medicine” in the conservatory, made “Molotov cocktails” and threw them all at the “cat.” As […]
Sexy Amish Girls: The Reckoning
Father ran away from home at the tender age of thirty-two, after mother left the ziti on the stove too long. Not counting that stain on the couch, he left my […]
Hot Christmas Babes
Christmas is a traditional American holiday when families gather in the desert for a week, strip off our clothes, and take bags of drugs. By removing the trappings of civilization (and our […]
Sexy Amish Women Friday the Valenteenth Deluxe Overlord Edition
Valentine’s Day falls on a Saturday once every thirty years and creates the cursed, malevolent whirlwind of chaos and suffering that in my village we call “Friday the Valenteenth.” Local […]
How to Win an Argument (With a Woman)
Men are ignorant pig farmers with tiny brains say seven out of ten women, a gender that agrees on practically nothing but the belief that men are ignorant pig farmers […]
Dating A Writer
Dating is something everyone should try at least once, but it’s definitely a sport for the young, what with all the shaving of legs, wearing of silk stockings, and riding on […]
I Love Brazil
I think Brazil is super-great even though I’ve never been there and the people are super-cool even though I’ve never met any. Well, there was that one time I showed […]
Sexy Amish Women
Nothing on this site has received more hits and garnered more attention than my Valentine post on “sexy Amish women.” I’m not even joking about this. Is it really that lonely in Pennsylvania […]
English Dress Code vs. American Dress Code
In preparation for my trip to England, mother has reviewed my wardrobe and found it lacking. She’s had the servants toss out all of my garments and burn them in […]
My Pants Are On Fire
In the past week I’ve spent several 28-hour days at a peculiarly popular southern California theme park. I am happy to inform everyone that visiting theme parks as a ‘thing’ […]
Sexy Post of Valentine Fornication
I’ve been told by an elderly relative that sex sells, but in my particular case it’s always been a net drain on the old bank account. Who can tell? Life’s […]
Pick-Up Lines Worse Than Mine
One would think that no pick-up line could be worse than “Is this your condom? I think you dropped it,” but after many hours of clandestine research in female dormitories […]
Things To Do When Bored Or In Fresno
Frequently mother forgets to unlock my room in the morning or even for days at a stretch and I must find interesting ways to whittle away at the stick of […]
The Amish Spaceman 