I Googled “Love”
The girl behind the counter had waves of long, copper-colored hair beneath her Dairy Queen cap, deep green eyes, and a smile that made me want to grab her pale hand […]
Category Archives: Drivel
Best Posts of the Year 100% Exclusive Limited Edition Diamond Executive Washroom Version
2014 was a year of amazement, horror, and disgust, and I’m only talking about what I found under my kitchen sink. Let us pray that the coming year holds no […]
Write Harder And Last Longer
Are you a writer? Do you have the same energy that you did when you caught the writing “bug?” When children crossed the street to avoid the windmill of your […]
How to Win an Argument (With a Woman)
Men are ignorant pig farmers with tiny brains say seven out of ten women, a gender that agrees on practically nothing but the belief that men are ignorant pig farmers […]
Flashpause: The MenoFiction
When it’s 3 AM in the long, dark night of your soul, most people think about life, where they went wrong, and why they drank fourteen cups of coffee. Me? I think […]
I Love Brazil
I think Brazil is super-great even though I’ve never been there and the people are super-cool even though I’ve never met any. Well, there was that one time I showed […]
Stop Me Before I Write Again
A flurry of one-star reviews have appeared after a week-long promotion where I gave away 2,800 copies of The Amish Spaceman. This negative attitude toward my writing was quite confusing, due […]
America So Laxy
American kids are lazy and mean, and make fun of me when my back is turned. This happens more frequently than you would expect, because anytime I see a child, I […]
Top Pet Peeves That I Hate
My dream of becoming a lingerie model slash astronaut will never come true, but my other dream of making fun of people is in full bloom. If you’re wondering why […]
Freitag der dreizehnte!
I don’t believe in superstitions apart from spilling salt, knocking on wood, 666, black cats, opening umbrella indoors, picking up pennies, walking under ladders, breaking mirrors, crossing my fingers, snapping a […]
More Legendary Ebook Marketing Secrets of Doom
Since my previous installment of “Legendary Ebook Marketing Secrets of Doom,” telegrams have piled in front of my door and emails have clogged the arteries of my inbox. Never teach your […]
Real Photos From My Trip to London Where I Took Photos of Things in London
Here are some photos of my trip during Easter! Fantastic weather, by Jove. For more photos, visit my album at Facebook. Cheers
Le Franch Are Coming!
I, like many Americans, was unaware of a clause in the Treaty of Versailles, which requires that during the week preceding Easter the entire school-age population of France is exchanged with […]
English Dress Code vs. American Dress Code
In preparation for my trip to England, mother has reviewed my wardrobe and found it lacking. She’s had the servants toss out all of my garments and burn them in […]
Why is England?
Mother has a bee in her bonnet over the mysterious disappearance of Robert Denby, and she’s sending me to London in her private jet. Of course I’m going! You’re a braver person […]
Ten Careers To Consider If You’ve Gone Mad And Decided To Become a Writer
Writing is literally an insane proposition: lock yourself in a closet and pound away at a post-apocalyptic vampire brony crossover series so that people you will never meet in real […]
Watch This, Don’t Read That
It’s universally accepted among dentists and convicted felons that a movie is better than a book. In the style of the ubiquitous “Eat This, Not That” series, I present the […]
