I Think I’m Turning Nipponese
After a recent trip to Tokyo, I’m grabbing onto the self-affirmation bandwagon and officially changing my race to Japanese. I could eat sushi for every meal and I never wear shoes, […]
Tag Archives: funny
Social Justice for Alone Man
Like the Olympian god Zeus scouring beach resorts for female Britons who’ve had too much uzo (or any uzo), inspiration can take many forms. For me it’s staying up for […]
People for the Toolbag Way
Men are born knowing how to fix things or will have this knowledge beaten into them as a child, usually by a father covered in bearing grease and alfalfa seed. […]
Felicitous Non-Denominational Spring Day!
In an attempt to avoid offending atheists and Unitarians, the Government has renamed “Easter Sunday” to “Non-denominational Spring Day.” Since this recent action has offended more people than were originally […]
Government Makes Crime Illegal
Washington, D.C., March 28, 2015 –– In response to the appalling rise in gas station robberies by Chinese doctoral students and the nationwide pandemic of electrical engineers on drug-fueled rampages, the Government has […]
Sexy Amish Women Friday the Valenteenth Deluxe Overlord Edition
Valentine’s Day falls on a Saturday once every thirty years and creates the cursed, malevolent whirlwind of chaos and suffering that in my village we call “Friday the Valenteenth.” Local […]
I Googled “Love”
The girl behind the counter had waves of long, copper-colored hair beneath her Dairy Queen cap, deep green eyes, and a smile that made me want to grab her pale hand […]
Best Posts of the Year 100% Exclusive Limited Edition Diamond Executive Washroom Version
2014 was a year of amazement, horror, and disgust, and I’m only talking about what I found under my kitchen sink. Let us pray that the coming year holds no […]
Write Harder And Last Longer
Are you a writer? Do you have the same energy that you did when you caught the writing “bug?” When children crossed the street to avoid the windmill of your […]
How to Win an Argument (With a Woman)
Men are ignorant pig farmers with tiny brains say seven out of ten women, a gender that agrees on practically nothing but the belief that men are ignorant pig farmers […]
Flashpause: The MenoFiction
When it’s 3 AM in the long, dark night of your soul, most people think about life, where they went wrong, and why they drank fourteen cups of coffee. Me? I think […]
Dating A Writer
Dating is something everyone should try at least once, but it’s definitely a sport for the young, what with all the shaving of legs, wearing of silk stockings, and riding on […]
The Boys From Denby
While perusing “Missed Connections” on Craigslist, I received an anonymous text tied to a brick and hurled through the side of my conservatory. The text explained how the elusive Robert Denby […]
I Love Brazil
I think Brazil is super-great even though I’ve never been there and the people are super-cool even though I’ve never met any. Well, there was that one time I showed […]
Stop Me Before I Write Again
A flurry of one-star reviews have appeared after a week-long promotion where I gave away 2,800 copies of The Amish Spaceman. This negative attitude toward my writing was quite confusing, due […]
Happy Birthday to David Mitchell (June 14, 1974)
America So Laxy
American kids are lazy and mean, and make fun of me when my back is turned. This happens more frequently than you would expect, because anytime I see a child, I […]
The Amish Spaceman 