You know that old saw, “garbage in, garbage out”?

I thought for years that was just a phrase about garbage, and now I’ve been told it applies to the body. And the mind. What you read and watch changes you. Like those horrible advertisements for “Crest WhiteStrips” and “Cheerios”. How can they show that––children are still watching at this hour! Oh yeah? Well that’s because you’ve seen them and it’s changed you already. Not me––I’m like Rowdy Roddy Piper with his special glasses.

Vast amounts of cathode radiation as a child must be the reason that I wished I were a pointy-eared, green-blooded space hobgoblin who doesn’t have a heart, or a kid with a pocketwatch that could travel in time until that guy shot himself as a joke with a blank and became a vegetable, or a goofy dork stuck on a desert island with a movie star, hayseed gal, rich couple, professor, and my stupid boss. Why couldn’t I be a mountain man and his faithful grizzly, or Melissa Gilbert. (delete this). Yes, it’s the radiation. Or the medication. Or something with “-tion” in the well.

It must have been the well water. Both of my friends watched many hours of the same television I did, and they had no crisis of self-identity. What––are you from the past? Oh. I see. Well, they don’t like being called “imaginary”. The term is “non-real friend” these days. At least that’s what they said.

“Garbage in, garbage out” … you cannot “un-see” an episode of “According To Jim”, no matter how much “Luxury Comedy” you watch and how many bottles of mountain spring water you pour in your red-rimmed eye holes. Sweet release will only come to you as the donkey of time plods inexorably forward.

Released from what? That episode of “According to Jim” you watched. Remember? He’s so lazy and the thing and the thing? Stop spraying water in your eyes and get away from my laptop!

Luxury Comedy http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8F7Pn8Owi-8